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Serving Victims of Domestic Violence (continued)

Responsibility and Accountability

The batterer or abusive person is always responsible for the abuse and violence.

There are no excuses for the controlling, abusive behavior. Furthermore, family violence is a crime. Hitting, slapping, beating one's wife is an assault. Assault is a crime.

Persons who have not experienced violence in their lives may have difficulty relating to the battered woman. In trying to understand her experience, the tendency is to make judgments or assumptions that the woman causes the abuse, deserves it or enjoys it. This is called victim blaming. No one wants to be physically abused. No one wants or enjoys living in the daily terror and uncertainty of domestic violence.

Blaming the victim is a way of distancing oneself from an unpleasant occurrence and thereby confirming one's own invulnerability. By labeling or accusing the victim, she can be seen as different from oneself. We reassure ourselves by thinking, "because I am not like her, that would never happen to me." Of course, that is not rational. Anyone can be victimized. Victim blaming is disrespectful and harmful.

Service providers must always monitor their own need for victim blaming, and then help others to understand that it is not useful for understanding family violence. The fact is, a woman becomes a victim of domestic violence simply by the misfortune of being in a relationship with an abusive man. It could happen to anyone. She does not provoke the abuse, want it or deserve it. She does not choose a man who will hit her. Remember, the abuser's violent behavior is a crime for which only he is responsible. Furthermore, without intervention, he will be abusive to any woman (subsequent wives and girlfriends) with whom he has an intimate relationship.

Why Doesn't She Just Leave?

An assumption in our society is that it is okay and understandable for a man to be violent. However, we cannot understand why she takes it or stays with him. Why doesn't she just leave? The answer is complex. One answer is that many women do leave. Leaving is a process. A woman may leave the abusive situation 5 or 6 times before she can leave for good. There are many factors which affect her ability to leave.

1. Fear and danger are one. Women are at the greatest risk of being killed when they leave or make some effort towards ending the relationship. Battered women know what their abusers are capable of, and their fear is justified. The batterer has probably threatened to kill her if she ever leaves him. He may also have made threats against her children and other family members who might help her.
2. There are many economic barriers to her leaving. She may not have a job or even a high-school education. She may have children to protect and support. It will be difficult for her to find housing and support herself and her children under these circumstances.
3. Concerns about her children can be a factor in keeping her in the abusive relationship. Her batterer may have threatened to get custody of the children if she leaves. Battered women fear for the safety of their children when their abuser has custody. She may feel that the children need both parents.
4. Lack of support from the legal system, the community and her family may also be a factor. She may have tried to leave in the past only to find too many barriers: a legal system that could not protect her; lack of transportation, affordable housing and child care; and little or no support from her own family or church.
5. She may feel shame and guilt about the abuse. She may have internalized the blame she receives from the abuser and from society. She may feel like a failure, because her marriage has failed.

Security Considerations for Your Facility

If your agency serves battered women, security measures for the facility, clients, and program staff should be addressed. The agency should have policies and procedures to ensure the safety of clients and staff while on the facility's premises. Access to the shelter should be limited, women clients should be housed apart from men, and staff should be trained in agency procedures regarding violence and aggressive clients. Security measures such as locked entrances, privacy fencing, and security systems should be considered in establishing a safe environment.

Resources

For service providers and advocates needing information or referrals:
Texas Council on Family Violence 1-800-525-1978

For battered women and victims of domestic violence needing crisis intervention and/or referrals, in Texas and nationwide:
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

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